American Hustle? Indeed

So I watched American Hustle last night. It was fun hearing all that old music and seeing all those old fashions and funny hair and seeing characters amazed by a microwave.

But in no way, shape or form was this an Oscar-worthy film. Not even CLOSE. Come ON.

And what the hell is barely-out-of-teenagehood Jennifer Lawrence doing playing a middle-aged Jersey housewife having a midlife crisis? Come ON. Look at her up there. She has no worry lines! I know she's a good actress, but please, Hollywood, we have enough trouble holding women to ridiculous body standards. No middle-aged women with breasts that high and no cellulite or stretch marks OR EVEN ONE WRINKLE ON HER PERFECT NECK would be having a crisis or worrying about keeping her baldy old man. Come ON.

And it wasn't even that great of a movie. It was a light caper film, much like that other David O. Russell movie everyone orgas'd over with Jennifer Lawrence once again playing much older than she should be. (Causing creepers like Jack Nicholson to think they have a chance with her, creepy Grampa.) I am OVER this guy David O. Russell and his ridiculous male-fantasy movies.

Yes, they are male fantasies. All about women who talk about dicks and football. Guys love it when girls talk sex and football and cuss, it turns them on. And that's all this movie is, really, plus lots of near-peeks at Amy Adams's breasts.

This was a movie for adolescents.

Gravity. Now THAT is an Oscar-worthy movie for grownups, a movie which took immense technical skill and preparation and editing.

So here's my prediction. Gravity will win for sound. American Hustle will take everything else.

FUCK YOU IN ADVANCE, ASSHOLE MISOGYNISTS OF HOLLYWOOD! OH YEAH, I SAID IT.

ETA: I am not Jennifer Lawrence shaming. Grab for everything you can while you're hot, Girl on Fire. I'm shaming David O. Russell. You know what a David O. Russell movie is? It's a beer commercial. And those were done better by the incomparably talented director Errol Morris. So in conclusion, David O. Russell, I leave you with some words from Blondie