Last October, God struck at the heart of America when he attempted to kill Big Tex, the giant monstrosity that welcomes visitors to the Texas State Fair and stands guard against incursions by low flying helicopters and Krakens.

God missed the heart, but hit Big Tex's right boot, which was too bad because that is Big Tex's one vulnerable spot, where Zeus held him to dip him into the river of immortality (the Red River). The boot ignited and the fire spread to the crotch area, eventually incinerating all of Big Tex, except, thankfully, his soul.

We were left with the image of Big Tex engulfed in flames, his upturned hand held palm out as if offering a blessing, or, perhaps, waving goodbye forever . . .

("Hooowwdeee, folks! Why hast thou forsaken me?")

But now he's back.

http://www.star-telegram.com/2013/09/26/519…

Wary of resurrection stories such as The Curse of The Monkey's Paw, the Bible, and Pet Sematary, Texans demanded that he return unchanged. So he's the same but better, of course: A little taller, more maneuverable, and with a slightly wounded look in his eye that makes him irresistible to giant women puppets. Word is that he also has learned some new moves, but these will not be unveiled until the time is right (until he gets drunk). I'm hoping that they will include twerking, or at least a pelvic thrust. Welcome back, big man.