Watching Children's Shows as a 'Murican: A Compendium of Sins

Caillou: Strange bald obedient french child. Obviously a metaphor for Vichy France and a cry to capitulate to terrorists. 'Murican Rating: 10 Gerard Depardieus.

Little Bear: Pleasant Victorian Bears cooperating in pleasant woodland town. Likely an assertion of Maoist ideology. 'Murican Rating: 6 Osama Bin Ladins

Thomas the Tank Engine: Anthropomorphizing mass transit without any clear assertion of capitalism. British leftist ideology with just a dash of Stalinism. 'Murican Rating: Cup of Fancy Tea but not in a Harbor

Angelina Ballerina: Lead fitting conventional feminine role despite the advent of feminist liberation though with questionable friendship with sketchy french mouse. 'Murican Rating: Mid-70s John Wayne.

Berenstain Bears: Tamed small town bears with confusing roads and vague moral lessons. Likely hippies. Promotion of psychedelics and probably liberal ideology. 'Murcan Rating: 3 Nancy Pelosis.

Doc McStuffin: Female doctor lording over her slavile animal kingdom with her superior knowledge and possibly fancy stethoscope. Possible Femdom but even more so probable FemNazi plot. 'Murican Rating: 1 Rachel Maddow