10 Things Never To Say To Women Who Don't Want Kids.

Highlights:

1. "But you'll be so much happier once you have kids."

Actually, there are no studies that definitely prove that people with kids are happier. Or that people without kids are happier. That said, I'd pretty damn happy right now, and if I had a kid, I'd definitely be less happy. You know, because I don't want kids. Happiness is many different things to many different people, and right now, for me, it's this tumbler of Bourbon, this stack of old Sassy magazines, and this old hairy dog snoring on my feet.

And:

4. "Who will take care of you when you get older?"

Probably a nursing home. Just like you. Let's be real. Or maybe I'll take all that money I save by not having kids and get a(n EXTREMELY HANDSOME) live-in nurse and also an infinity pool and on my final day, I'll have my nurse-boyfriend hook me into an IV of margaritas and I'll drift off to sleep in my floating pool chair. Hasta la vista, baby!

And:

9. "If you've never given birth, you don't know what true pain is."

Dude, that's true. Sucks to be you.

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