Friday February 21 2014 afternoon update for anyone keeping track, the healthcare industrial complex continues to suck. The doctor's office has not gotten back to me about my test results, or my prescription, or my medical file. They hope I will expire this weekend. I will foil them!

In the meantime I called the American Cancer Society. Trying to tell this long story makes me sound CAHRAZY on the phone. I was talking fast to try to make it not painful for her but that just makes you sound CAHRAZIER.

So the American Cancer Society asked me if I would like counseling resources. I told them I would rather have anti-cancer resources. Maybe an advocate? I got a noncomittal. Ugh. (To the American Cancer Society's credit, several hours later someone else called back. They were at the bottom of a well inside a shoe and I could not even make out the number.)

Say, American Cancer Society, are you only good for organizing walkathons?

Luckily, I have a therapist because I like to pretend I'm from California. She is righteously indignant on my part. Plus she's a doctor too. So if this other doctor doesn't snap-to, my righteously indignant and fabulous therapist says she will take care of things. I didn't ask for specifics. She knows a guy.

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I'll keep you all posted. I'm over my anger of yesterday and at this point it's like a novel I'm reading and wondering how it will all end...

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Oh blah blah, don't tell me about the magnificent surgeon who saved your grandpa, I don't want to hear it. He or she got paid handsomely and drives a car that costs more than my house, so that's plenty reward.

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Meanwhile, I just have noticed that doctors in general don't give a crap as much anymore. Or maybe I'm not as young and pretty and healthy anymore and they can't "cure" me so they give up.

All I know is, I've been sitting on hold for 30 minutes. The hold button is playing Wagner.

This is unconscionable. This is a specialist's office, where people go when they have incurable diseases and cancer and shit. I could die while I'm sitting here on hold.

Don't call me impatient. I have been trying to make an appointment at this office for 2 days and cannot reach a human being.

Oh great, now they're playing Mahler.

I have been off a medicine I am supposed to take every day to stay alive. I have been off this medicine since December. I have called three doctors and all say the same thing — they can't see me until March and they can't prescribe my lifesaving medicine until they see me. Even the doctor I've been seeing for two years won't see me until March and will not refill my fricking medicine. I just had such a battle with his receptionist, who kept calling me "Maam" that I nearly had a brain seizure.

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I told her if she wants to win friends and influence people DON'T EVER CALL SOMEONE MAAM IN A CRISIS! She kept calling me "ma'am" anyway, so I started calling her ma'am back.

The whole thing just resulted in me getting so pissed I hung up. Which is not getting me my medicine. This is when I need a minion to deal with these people. I'm not being unreasonable, I'm merely asking them to prescribe a medicine I have been taking for 9 years to STAY ALIVE and they're telling me to KEEP WAITING UNTIL LATE MARCH. I have been off this medicine for more than TWO MONTHS!!!!

MY GOD, IT'S A FUCKING PRESCRIPTION REFILL!!

So I'm just going to keep calling endocrinologists until I can find one who I can see THIS WEEK. I HAVE HAD IT.

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Still on hold. More classical shit. Fucking flutes....It's 2:33 and I have been on hold since 2:05.....

It's 2:40 and I hung up. FUCK DOCTORS!!!!

I need to take a xanax before I try this again. Fucking doctors.