High Class

Jezebel has a post up about the the time you accidentally got way too high. I thought I'd post mine here instead and we can hopefully have a Crosstalk Highathon.

To start us off, I have three incidents of note:

1) The first time I ever did a drug was when my brother was visiting me and my mom in Israel when I was fifteen. My mother went out for the day and as soon as she closed the door to our apartment, my brother looked at me and said "Hey, wanna do some acid?" Against all reason, he had actually managed to smuggle fifty tabs of LSD wrapped in aluminum foil hidden in the battery compartment of his boombox into one of the most heavily monitored airports in the world. Wanting to impress my older brother who I hadn't seen in several years, I readily agreed. He did not prepare me. He just told me to wait and see what would happen. By the time my mother got home I had solved the vast riddle of the universe. I was very excited about it, but my brother whispered "Just act fucking normal!" and gave me a look that scared me a little because his face had contorted into something of a demon. About ten minutes of trying to casually answer my mother's questions about what we'd been doing with ourselves all day and my brother rushing to answer before I could, and she summons me into her bedroom. She says "Sit down." I am partly terrified, partly watching her eyebrows enthusiastically wave at me from behind her glasses. Suddenly, she leans in and whispers "I think your brother is on drugs!" I decided that there was only one course of action, so I emphatically agreed with her.

2) The first time I smoked pot I walked up to a cab driver to ask how much the fare would roughly be to get to the airport the next day for Christmas break. I had to keep shushing my friends, who stayed back a bit and kept saying "C'mon Nefertitties. C'mon, let's go." They seemed awfully worried about a cab driver detecting that I was stoned. The cabbie told me what he thought it would cost and I went to join my friends who rushed me off and informed me that I had been speaking to a cop in a cop car. I don't know how I made that mistake exactly.

3) I was holding a garage sale with a friend of mine last year and we thought it would be loads more fun if we had some of my cannibutter on a piece of toast. I slathered it on. About an hour or two later these two older women stopped by to look at the stuff. They had heavy New England accents and called it a yahhhd seeehll. When they asked how much something was, I mercilessly mimicked their accents and then could not stop laughing for about ten minutes. I was so ashamed the next day that I wanted to post a craigslist ad apologizing. I never did though. How would I have phrased it? Sorry I got so high that I made fun of you? I mean, they were older traditional-looking women. They might have sent the police to raid the druggie girl's house, for all I knew. Anyway, I am confessing it here and that has to count for something.