Thanks to listening to a podcast entitled "Could you start a cult?" I have learned that I could, indeed, start a cult.
It will be called NuKinja Recovery because that means we'll get a lot of emotionally charged, vulnerable members who are semi-dependent on alcohol to function. This is ideal for cult members.
Who's in it, you ask?
LittleLitaFord and AfroMeatballs are going to be my leftenants. LLF by virtue of the fact that she doesn't hate owls, and Afro because she'll be the berserker one everybody's afraid of because she's all unpredictable. She'll get JJ Watt to be her berserker backup.
Thanks to LLF's suggestion (this is why she's a leftenant, folks), PistachioBlackRaspberrySnark will be in charge of intelligence and Snacktastic is heading our covert ops devision. They're tasked with infiltrating the Duggars, because poaching another cult's members is ideal.
Dweeze will be taking on our Oceania expansion team with Whiskey and Star. Just so y'all know to let them have that.
No one is allowed to plan my wedding. Afro ruined that for everyone.
We're all wearing purple so that when we show up "Purple Rain" has to play in the background. Half of cult behavior is making an entrance, you know.
Consider this post the sign up form. Indicate your desired position, or you will just be included in the rabble. We have single payer healthcare, including vision and dental, because lord knows the only way I keep my power is if you all keep living. Let me know where I can sent your owl mask.
I have to go perfect my evil laugh now, and sew a couple hundred purple robes.
(Thanks to everyone who played along on Twitter.)