From the folks at Five-Thirty-Eight, this letter, allegedly from "Brandon" (though that may be a nom de plume, we can't be sure) purports to answer a question that people have struggled with since the dawn of time. Or at least since W.B. Yeats was a teenager. Also, at the risk of beating a, well, a dead horse, I nominate 'songs about masturbation' for next week's friday dance party theme.
Not sure how thrilled the letter-writer might be about the last sentence of Mona Chalabi's reply: Although your masturbation frequency means you're something of a statistical rarity. Let's hear a round of 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' for our new friend "Brandon".