I seldom go out on Friday and Saturday nights. I'm pretty sure my mom goes out more than me. She's 47, and one of the few amazing things about her, is her ability to combine salsa dancing with a night of drinking. She'll come home after 2 a.m and be up at 7 vacuuming.

But the weekends before and on Halloween is the exception. The atmosphere at party scenes take on a surreal quality. Like when two chicks start arguing and calling each other different variations of the word "slut," when they're both practically naked. They didn't go to Party City for their costumes. They went to the Hustler store. Wish I could take bets on how long after the altercation starts before their outfits give and they're naked?

The girl getting thrown out of the club in the truest way, suspended in mid-air with a bouncer holding every limb, isn't just some girl in fuck me boots, a mini skirt and tube top. She's Superwomen. :) Cover your eyes kids.

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When a fight breaks out between two dude-bros, it's not two dudes in cargo shorts and tank tops with Ed Hardy hats askew. It's Jesus versus a doctor, and it's magical.

The "going out to get laid dudes" that Louis C.K talks about, are wearing the standard uniform for Hooters. Bravo gentlemen.

This year it dawned on me, that I should visit the gay party scene. Maybe I'll see a couple of fairies (NOT homosexual men, guys dressed as fairies) duke it out in an explosion of glitter.

What have you, fellow Crosstalker, witnessed ?

Better yet, answer me this- Why do people like bringing in the new year with a hangover?