I had assumed at this point that I would have some sort of cancer wisdom. I’d be struggling but getting better every day and inspiring everyone around me.

Instead, every single one of you, my husband, my doctors, my parents, even me, everyone can go fuck themselves. If I had any energy, I would punch things to let my anger out. If I had the energy, I would cry every day. Instead I just stare at the tv, glancing at the clock to see if it is time for another pain pill.

I have a laundry list of of terrible physical things going on, but it has just hit a point where nothing matters. I don't want to talk. I don't want to be around people. It doesn't matter if I get better or worse. I just want to disappear into a dark room and have people stop asking if there is anything they can do for me.