Has anyone apologized to all the paranoid people?

Like, have the shrinks of America who have spent all of history telling their patients who said they thought the government was listening into their phone calls and spying on their email that "it's all in your head"...are they handing out refunds?

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I'm not making fun of paranoid personality disorder or other mental illness. Besides the Internetz says that paranoid personality disorder is more about feeling people are out to hurt you or conspire against you.

I'm just talking about that shifty feeling of being watched. All. The Time. I don't like that. I did not grow up in a world where the world could follow you. I'm trying to remember what that world felt like and how it's different. All I can say is it felt like you could be a nobody. Emily Dickinsonesque, puttering around in your life, the world oblivious to you and everyone the better for it.

There are satellites clicking photos of me now and cameras everywhere and even this device I'm staring at is staring back (although there's tape on the webcam. If you're a journo writing any "trends of 2013" roundups that would be a cool thing to put on the list, because everyone I know suddenly has tape on their webcam. Or if they don't I tell them to do it, because someone told me to, because we all read that story about the woman whose cam was hacked, and then we went on Reddit and clicked some link somebody passed us about hacking webcams and the next thing you know you're clicking on something and like waah, is that a leg?, eeeek! and you're out of there.

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Oh yeah. I should mention I went into the dark web to research the novel, because one of my characters is a hacker who is trying to teach a noob basic hackery, so I went on there as a noob to write that part. Why am I explaining in detail? It's 3:15 and the fifth meal brain is in charge, so idk. Nobody from 1-4 leaves me any notes for this shift. Usually I'm just having fun dancing through fields with unicorns. aggh. I hate it when my brain does that, just meanders off. Do you ever want to smack your own brain? Oh dear, anybody in psychology school has given me several diagnoses by now. I'll take them if they come with good meds, btw.

So, where was I, oh paranoia. Yeah. It's a problem. This being watched all the time. I'm now aware. Or AWAKE as all the alarmists like to call it.

The Alarmists are what I call, for lack of knowing if they have a formal name, folks who post YouTube videos which sound the alarm about things we should be concerned about in America RIGHT NOW because shit is going down and it is real. word.

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Carol is my favorite Alarmist. She has a YouTube channel called KafkaWinstonWorld. All it says about the channel is: When presented with facts and evidence contrary to my thinking, I change my thinking. What do you do?

I still haven't decided the answer to that question, btw. Is it a koan?

Anyhow Carol used to do some legal work for the poor or civil rights work or something, I'm vague on that biographical stuff because I get all caught up in Carol's stories. She is tall and sits erect and has gorgeous hair she usually keeps up. Her voice is commanding and full of expression. She is concerned about some things I had never heard of, like chemtrails and smart meters, and also concerned about politics. No fan of Obama and I don't watch those videos and not because I don't disagree or have disappointment with the president, but just not in the same way she does.

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But other times I find her videos refreshing and they give me things to ponder. Like this one about the origins of Thanksgiving, and how it was really a bloodbath and nobody tells the truth about that and the importance of truth to society.

Like Carol, I am concerned. I don't like feeling watched all the time. It's creepy. It's like being a pretty girl in a short skirt walking by a group of construction workers for the rest of your life.

How am I to know the time and place when same Edward Snowden clone is going to decide my time has ended and hit the button that explodes my Lexus? (Just kidding. I don't have a Lexus, Ha, now your mind is blown, huh, NSA?)

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Remember the days when you didn't write emails and include sidecraks to the NSA in them? I was going to end with the song but can't figure out how to put videos in here. Can we not do that anymore?

If someone was reading this and can answer...wait, STOP STALKING ME!

heh heh