The real question of this episode, Tom, is Granderous a word? And why are you wearing a knit cap when it's like 80 degrees out? But he is right, Jax is stupid and trying to be important to Stassi. And Stassi is right that Tom and Jax are bonded by both being "lying, cheating pieces of shit."

Man.

Also, Scheana got engaged to the only decent guy on the show. Katie's (and that other brunette—it's like an eternal revolving door of willowy brunettes) all pissy about Stassi being a bridesmaid. You could tell. They both looked disgusted at the ring being a Princess Cut. Oh whatever. These people are so ridiculously petty about the stupidest things.

Tom made out with Ariana three years ago at the Golden Nugget. THE TRUTH IS OUT. AND HE TOLD HER. Now Stassi is out for blood. And probably will not accept Kristin's friendship. IT'S OVER. IT'S REALLY OVER. And it's been kind of obvious if you've been following twitter, looking for clues, like I have, instead of writing my dissertation.

Girl on Girl bikini fights in the pool? Obvious fan service.

Kristin went home to the midwest and is trying to keep her shit together. She's probably benefit from therapy. Likely Bravo would fight for her to stay out of therapy, unless it was on camera. Anti-mental health. And Arianna is right—Kristen is way too obsessed about her, much more than all his other shit— his actual sexual relations not seen as serious compared to one kiss three years ago. Maybe I'm wrong but Arianna's become emblematic of all sorts of shit and doubts that Kristin has about Tom aside from their brief contact.

Jax went to jail and he's talking about hard time. Eating bread. Bad toilet paper. Not his first round? Man, you should go to jail for that hair.

OH AND LORD, KRISTIN IS OUT FOR BLOOD. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GROUNDED. GO YELL AT YOUR BOYFRIEND. STOP BLAMING THE OTHER WOMAN.

Tom says it is his fault and she still yells at Arianna. I dunno. And now she's mad at Tom for not yelling at her too? Really? Tom says "IT IS MY FAULT AND I SHOULD BE BLAMED" and she is still mad. And GIRLS, DON'T LAUGH. Though I would. I would have totally laughed. And tell her that she looks crazy. Stassi. I love you. You magnificent jerk.

Also, friendship breakup!! Now look who has assumed #1 BFF position. Sorry, Kristin, now we know who the real Gretchen Wiener is.

I like how Stassi is taking Arianna's side. HA! She knows when to scurry off that sinking ship. But Kristin should be fired, she is right about that shit.

Let's talk more later. Next week, apparently the drama thickens and now they are accusing Kristin of screwing JAX. AND STASSI HIT HER?

And look,Tom Sandoval in a video.

OMG. We'll be there.