JOIN US FOR THE FINALE OF VANDERPUMP RULES! Oh God, it'll be delicious. Will the truth come out?!?!?! Will Kristin admit to sleeping with Jax? Is Jax lying? Will Tom remove his shirt? Will Katie change her haircolor? ALL THIS AND MORE!

This finale is costarring hair products.

9:03 Stassi hates Kristin and wants to get rid of her at work. She also admits to never working out. I wish I were 25 again.

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9:05: Tom Sandoval is wearing his serious hat and by that, he's wearing a wool cap again, in LA, in like August. But it's when he gets in touch with his St Louis ennui. Kristin looks like she is thinking of bacon when she's talking to Tom.

9:07 SCANDAL: Kristin is not allowed to participate in the photo shoot! Tom is late. Kristin responds by cutting down to 8 cups of coffee today and only 2 packs of cigarettes. She can let herself go a little. I also feel sorry for Tom. He's is wearing a black cap, indicating his declining mental state.

9:08: Real Talk: Maybe Tom is being an idiot but man, Stassi, have some sensitivity. This is pretty terrible for him. I shall wear a knit cap in solidarity.

9:14: What do you think guys? Do you think they should be all serious hat at this photoshoot? I know Stassi feels bad for him but man, there is a time and place and maybe going and having coffee with him or some early gray away from the rest of the guys is a good idea. She needs to ask him to go out and have some real talk. She looked empathic and not how Jax looks empathic, which means he looks like he has gas. Or is doing Blue Steele.

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9:17 SHANK HIM, TOM, DO IT! Jax is sort of evil. "Their relationship was bullshit" "Friend is using it loosely." God, what a dick. Tom Schwartz, you need to go have a talk with Jax.

And Ps. Stassi as you note, this is for a restaurant—naked photoshoot. A little over the top? But eh, nudity isn't a bad thing. And Lisa Vanderpump made a small dick joke. I'll just put that out there.

9:23 Commercial Break: Odds are 8:1 that Stassi will apologize to Kristin. Even money that someone will kick someone's ass in the last half-hour.

9:25 Tom contemplates whether he could actually get away with drowning Jax. But also feels sad. Thinks of dusting off his Alanis Morrisette CD.

9:27 Jesus, Lisa, don't confront him like that. You don't need to make him cry at the photoshoot. Is this real life? Who are these people? What the fuck kind of social reality do they live in? Am I alone here? Even if this is contrived, doesn't it seem like bullshit to have serious talks at a sexy photoshoot?

9:30 THE JIG IS UP KRISTIN. Do you think that the texts didn't come from Kristin's phone? Maybe she could change the interpretation of what they mean? Wouldn't that be a more effective lie?

AND GIRL—this is NO TIME TO MAKE ULTIMATUMS. NO TIME AT ALL.

9:36 Stassi is trying on a wedding dress. These people have other sources of income or they just make bank at Sur. Don't you think they must make shitloads in tips? I just wonder what's going on there. It's like every television show I've ever seen. There is never any accounting for the amount of prosperity they all enjoy.

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9:41 Scheana went from most hated to life raft. And she was right—they are horrible friends to each other and should not hang out at all.

9:43 Katie misses no opportunity to mock Scheana for singing her song. With that hair. THAT HAIR. Also, Katie, don't try to cover up your bitchiness. Really. REALLY. But Princess Stassi understands real Shade. I'd only download it illegally too.

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9:46 MOTHERFUCKING KRISTIN ADMITTED IT. TOM LOOKS LIKE WANTS TO PSYCHICALLY RIP HER HEAD OFF. WITH HIS BRAIN. STASSI, DAMNIT, YOUR ANGER IS MAGIC.

Now I feel bad for Kristen. I know I'm the worst.

Tom hates Jax more than Kristen.

#

9:48 YES. Stassi is making it about her when it really is about them. Yeah. I also wouldn't be their friend either. So I don't know what you think.

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9:49 DAMNIT WHY AM I LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE I FEEL THE WORST FOR TOM? WHY IS HE THE MOST SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER? WHY WHY? I LIVE IN A LAND OF CONFUSION.

And why is Jax getting away with everything.

9:51 Jax is a sociopath. Fuck. He feels zero sympathy. ZERO.

9:52 Well, Tom Schwartz continued to date Katie even after hairgate so #nohigherground

AND OH SNAP! Ariana and Tom? Gotta watch next week.

9:57 I don't condone violence but fuck, Tom, I don't blame you. But I'm sorry Scheana. Man, you guys need to have a party without drinks being thrown.

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9:59 Jax is not mad. He is lacking something. Maybe he's dumber than I thought. And man, Jax, did you really think you were gonna get back together with Stassi?

WAIT UNTIL THE FINALE GUYS. OMG. We'll be there.

Tom got Jax'd. We all got Jax'd.

WWHL: Jax and Lisa Vanderpump. JAX, does he show emotions? Feels? Or is he like "Well, cool, I screwed your girlfriend. If you weren't such a douche, I wouldn't have fucked her."

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Does Jax feel bad about looking bad or does he feel bad about hurting people? That's what they are disputing. I don't think he feels that bad. He's so shallow. A little mean. And kind of narcissistic.

OMG. Lisa knew the WHOLE TIME. And she wanted him to keep lying. KEEP LYING. They should have all just lied. Kristin's paranoia also looks extra sketchy.

Someone asked about Jax having sex "in the raw." Ew. EW. And fuck. TOM SANDOVAL IS CALLING IN. GUYS. Tom wants to know how it feels to be "the most loved man in America?" And Jax looks like he's going to cry or something. DRAG HIM TOM. DRAG HIM. Andy is all anxious about having a conversation ahead of the reunion. But Tom still hates Jax. OOOH and Tom says he has DIRT ON JAX. SPILL IT!!

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Tom feels like his beatings was just really justified. There is some real anger there. UNCOMFORTABILITY REIGNED.

POLL QUESTION: Do you think Jax is a douche? Yes: 84% No: 16%

PS. Stassi's video blog about what she thought about Kristen's admission.