Written in Ink
Written in Ink

AN: I put a lot of thought into just hitting the back button on this story, as it is pretty apparent that the woman involved is mentally ill. This article is an exposition on one of the most ridiculous and absurd cases of narcissism I have ever seen on the internet, and it is meant as a lighthearted "WTF" piece to help get through the week. If you're not comfortable with that for any reason, I won't lose any sleep if you hit the back button.

I don't read Hollywood Life. Nor do I watch TMZ, Access Hollywood, or anything similar. I have plenty of other equally useless pastimes, but despite my obsessions with classic cinema, I do hold the opinion that it takes a certain kind of person to be so wholly engulfed by the complete banality of celebrity and pop culture.


Nevertheless, in response to a comment regarding rapper George Watsky's idiotic 40-foot stage dive and subsequent apology, I stumbled upon something I would have been much better off having never read: the HollywoodLife.com comments section. It was there that an especially absurd, off-topic, and name droppy commenter caught my eye. Her response to the article directly is this:

MARCUS G – I wrote the song "Thriller" recorded by Michael Jackson as a 15 year old kid. The song was inspired by Boris Karloff's television show "Thriller". Since I was not given credit for the song Eddie Van Halen wanted to help me and I asked him to paint his now famous guitar like the logo for the Thriller television show of "white stripes". I would later name a group The White Stripes while writing songs they would record. CALL ME A FRAUD AGAIN JERK!!!!


Unless I'm missing some elements of HL's awful pink-and-cupcake website layout, this appeared to be posted in the wrong place or was otherwise unsolicited. Fortunately, an uninformed reader chimed in to correct her mistake:

Rob(sic) Temperton wrote Thriller not you.
Your probably some low life sitting at home making up stories.


Hey, you don't need to call her a liar, now! I mean, this is the Hollywood Life comment section, people! There's no need for everyone to act like a bunch of Kinja users! I mean, after all, people make mistakes, right?

Rod Temperton did write songs for MJ in the past and was asked to say he wrote Thriller. Temperton was known to work at Keith Herd's Fairview Studios where Def Leppard recorded their first EP. It being Joe Elliott who discovered me in the audience of their May 15, 1983 concert at Boutwell Auditorium in Birmingham. Joe followed me and my friends to my home and showed up at my front door the next day after school. I started writing Pour Some Sugar On Me and many other songs which includes "Goody Two Shoes" recorded by Adam & The Ants. After I wrote Thriller, I met Eddie Van Halen and asked him to paint his now famous guitar with "white stripes" like those on the logo for Boris Karloff's Thiller television show since it was my inspiration for writing the song. This is why I asked horror master Vincent Price to record the spoken parts. Vincent went on to appear in a film I came up with "Edward Scissorhands" and I named the Harry Potter character "Vincent Crabbe" for Price and actor Buster Crabbe who appeared in Flash Gordon. The Harry Potter character Lucius Malfoy was named for a relative and "Malfoy" is an anagram for "of Amy L"….that's me.


A little guesswork with Gravatar led me to a brief, though still quite convoluted memoir-blog of sorts, in which she claims that she came up with the name for Duran, Duran, was responsible for the titles and content of several 20th century pop songs, and insists that Amy Lynn Hartzler is in fact a fraud and an imposter, and that she is the true founder of Evanescence. Read at your own pace, folks, and please make sure your tinfoil hats are securely fastened in the Thetan position.


A little further digging led me to this Amy's full site. In addition to many more questionable stories, including a lengthly bit about how she actually wrote Harry Potter as well, she provides full lists of the bands, songs, films, and television programmes that she is directly responsible for some if not all the creative content of. Her C.V. is quite lengthly, and she seems to be the world's undisputed most prolific sage when it comes to

The following has been provided for your listening pleasure while reading this rather lengthly list. Lists of films, artists/songs, and television programming "Amy Lee" has contributed to are linked here, here, and here respectively.

Misc Projects


  • Naming Apple Computer (now Apple Inc.) for The Beatle's Apple Records established the year I was born (1968).
  • Naming and working on ideas with Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple, for the World Wide Web.
  • Design ideas of the web page and URL (what I called a web address) of the page on the World Wide Web and improvements over the years.
  • Naming the iMac, iPhone, iPod and iPad, as well as working on design and format ideas. Eventually I also named iHeart Radio.
  • Naming Microsoft Windows and working on format ideas over the years and designing the logo.
  • Naming the BlackBerry smartphones after working on ideas for the design which research started in the 1980′s.
  • Naming and design ideas of the search engines Google and Yahoo!. Yahoo! came many years after Tim Farriss of INXS and I gave the Australian redheaded comedian Yahoo Serious his stage name. The inspiration for this being Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels.
  • Design ideas and naming of social networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and YouTube.
  • Naming of the e-commerce company Amazon.com, which was named for Ian Fleming's James Bond characters "Pussy Galore and her Abrocats" being Amazonian catwomen.



  • Involved in the naming of Victoria's Secret, ideas for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, and the naming of the Pink lingerie line targeted to 15-to-22 year olds.
  • Naming of the retail chain Target Corporation for the target on the cover of Def Leppard's 1983 Pyromania album.
  • Advertising campaign "¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!" ("I want Taco Bell!") and mascot Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
  • Naming of Yum! Brands, Inc. or Yum! which operates or licensesTaco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, and WingStreet restaurants worldwide.
  • Sesame Street's Elmo and Tickle Me Elmo for the title character in Augusta Jane Evans novel St. Elmo.
  • Naming the arts and craft store chain Michaels for Michael Hutchence and Michael Jackson.
  • Naming the retain chain Bed Bath & Beyond after working on script ideas for Toy Story and coming up with the line "To infinity and beyond!"
  • Martha Stewart
  • Named "Old Navy" for my work in films and television about the Navy including Top Gun and NCIS.
  • Named "Office Max" for the nickname I gave Michael Hutchence and inspired his Max Q project.
  • Named Outback Steakhouse with Michael Hutchence of INXS and worked on menu ideas
  • Named Papa John's Pizza after writing the song Papa Don't Preach recorded by Madonna and naming the group Papa Roach
  • Named Domino's Pizza for the James Bond character Dominetta Vitalialso known as Domino
  • Named P.F. Chang's

Once, when I was younger, I was convinced that I had written the guitar part for Modest Mouse's Perfect Disguise, 2 years after it came out of course. This though, this shit is beyond cray. This chick invented cray, so long ago in fact, that she forgot about cray. Any speculation on what exactly we are looking at here, from any point of view or field of study, is totally welcome.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter