Written in Ink


Let's crowdsource some ideas to say definitively, who is the best and worst people on any single show.

I'll start:


19 Kids and Counting: Best: Johannah Duggar:the most kick-ass 7 year old girl on television and even more so because she's in a family that certainly will want to hide that sunshine under a rock. She's funny. She's smart. She is opinionated. Damnit, why did she have to be born into basically a cult. Worst: Jim Bob Duggar: Started the whole family on this bizarro Gothard Quiverfull ride into oblivion but still acts benign while controlling every aspect of his children's lives. Honorable Mention: Josh Duggar, who moved to DC to work as a lobbyist for Focus on the Family. Bleh.

Shahs of Sunset: Best: Asa: Admittedly, while I've made fun of her, she seems like a decent person and I do admit that there is something admirable about committing to the whole Persian Galactic Priestess Bit. It was a toss up between her and MJ but Asa seems to be consistently a decent person in a way MJ is not. Worst: I'd be tempted to say Lily but really at this point, I'm tired of Reza's whole schtick. Like the moustache, the caviar, the snarkiness. Shut up Reza.

Vanderpump Rules: Best: I mean Stassi, is there any question about that? Worst: You think I'd say someone like Kristen or Jax or Tom, given all the heinousness of the season but fuck, it's you Katie. Besides your drunken sloppiness and your general sycophantic ways, you are boring as shit, which is your biggest sin. Boring as shit. In fact, her drunken sloppiness is boring as shit and that's the biggest sin.


Real Housewives of Atlanta: Best: Phaedra: I'm sorry, man, she married some guy named Apollo and they have their two kids and their interesting hats and live in some mansion like the Greek Gods they seem to be. Also, she's studying to be a Mortician. Phaedra, I want to go to all your fancy parties and do choreographed dances and have lemon squeezes and shit. God, why aren't my friends like her?. Worst: I was going to say Kenya but she is too much of a mastermind. I'd say at this point Cynthia bugs the shit out of me. She is too much of a follower and she could distinguish herself by maybe talking more about how she combines small town girl with cool New York model type but instead she just gets into fights with her somewhat sketchy husband and her sister, who I STILL can't believe just showed up and wanted to stay for two months.


That must be scripted. My sister would have killed me. DEAD.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Best: Lisa: I mean, what choice do we have. She's funny. She's rich. She's kind of a laugh. She gave the world Vanderpump rules. She also starred in a couple of ABC videos. For real. FOR REAL. That's almost as good as Ricky Gervais's 80s band. Google that shit. Worst: Kyle: Fuck you, Kyle. You try to seem vaguely relevant but you only exist to cause chaos in Lisa's perfect pink bejeweled world and I hate you for it.

Real Housewives of Orange County: Best: This was hard because this show really cranks out terrible housewives and they are constantly being laid out. Best is a former one—Jeanna, who despite her republican politics, seemed someone ok, smart and down to earth at times. And she was in all those ZZ Top Videos. She got legs and she knows how to use them. Worst: Vicki: I feel bad for her kids. Her daughter, btw, is actually the best member of the cast, by far and far better of a person than Vicki deserves. The screaming and the jerkiness and the woo-hoo!!! The one thing I'll give her credit for is that she actually seems to have a purpose, so as a person, she probably isn't the worst, but on the show, blah.


Real Housewives of New Jersey: Best: Dina—and she's coming back. YAY. I don't know what's going on with her and why she is so aligned with Teresa but for the most part, she didn't seem like a total corrupt douchebag with a penchant for making cliched statement (WE'RE AS THICK AS THIEVES) and defrauding the IRS. Worst: Teresa and her awful husband for their constant shit-stirring drama queen bullshit. And I think Joe deserves to go to jail. I do. And I think she treats Melissa like shit, making me feel bad for Melissa who should naturally be my enemy.


Real Housewives of New York: Best: Carole Radziwell, there is a lot about her life that seems to indicate that she might be too good for this show. She's had a legit career. She was BFFs with John John Kennedy and his willowy wife. She wrote a book with literary merit. She's so laid back and chill. God, I love Carole. She'd be like my intimidating cool friend that'd I'd laugh awkwardly around. Worst: Countess de Lesseps I heard she's off. Insert grumpy cat meme: GOOD. She's so pretentious with her shitty French, her continuing use of her title and just her bullying bullshit. I mean, she's beautiful and an amazing dresser which would endear my superficial heart but she's so awful. Man, and she's from Connecticut. I mean, seriously LuAnn. SRSLY.

ETA: Sister Wives: Best: Janelle. I mean Janelle is like one of those rare reality show people that you'd actually want to befriend in real life. Now I'm not sure about her marital choices but she's a very cool woman. She's intelligent. She's willing to speak her mind. She's candid and sincere. I heart Janelle so much. Worst: Meri, who insisted that her cash strapped family allow her to spend as much money on a house for her and her 17 year old kid than Janelle and Christine, who both have like 6 kids and then cries and feels oppressed when Janelle questions her. I mean, fuck, Meri, having a fucking wet bar isn't as important as having your kid have a bedroom or some shit like that. She needs to get with the program. Plus Janelle doesn't like her so I don't. I read their biography. I know things.


Ok, FRIENDS, shall we add to this master list for the definitive realty show best and worst?

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