This is Part 2 of Doctor Who and the Rightly Broken Rule, which gives Mr. Capaldi a chance to start off his career with a bang.
Also, the last bit was changed a smidge (I get to do that!), so here's the lead-in.
CLARA: Umm. . yes! I like that quite much actually! [To JEN] How about you? What do you do?
JEN: I'm a Teddy Bear Herder of course, we're the closest thing we have to Emergency Management here. The herd [nods to the bears] also helps with disaster recovery and occasionally enforcement if somebody has a bad moment. We usually spend a couple of days a week with the kids acclimating and goofing around. I love that part best, that's where they got their names. I suck at naming things.
CLARA: [Taking note of JEN's distinct lack of bigness and apparent handicap] Enforcement? Like law enforcement? And you came out here without a gun or anything? Do you have laser legs?
JEN: [Smirks] Griff! Does anybody have laser legs? I would like some, please!
GRIFF: [Rolls eyes] You know every time you do that I have to ask. Last week I sent the librarians requests for sloth-variant teddy bears, examples of humor from peoplespheres using mathematically derived languages, and a device that can make people's hair stand up from a distance. . . and I'm not convinced you'd use that appropriately.
JEN: Nonsense. It was for the kids and would be delightfully entertaining and appropriate for us. [To Clara] Oh, and nope. No guns or laser legs. Just my charm and these guys. [Nods to the teddy bears]
CLARA: What, they have guns?
JEN: Nope, they just entangle you in hugs.
CLARA: [Pausing to consider] You've weaponized hugs. That's delightfully mad.
JEN: [Curtseys] I've been called that, yes. Yet they trust me with weaponized hugs, what DOES that say about the world?
KAYLEE: [Ahem-ing] So, not to be a stick in the mud, but I think now that we've granted courtesy we might ask a few questions.
THE DOCTOR: Of course! What can we do for you?
KAYLEE: Well, for starters, I'm kind of curious as to how you got here. This is a preserve, we try to keep human interference to a minimum.
THE DOCTOR: Oh my, I'm so sorry! That was the TARDIS, she took us here. She's my ship.
KAYLEE: And you got here from where?
THE DOCTOR: Right. . . well, that's kind of complicated. She's not a normal ship. Where are we again? This whole big floating thing with the buildings all around?
GRIFF: Dymaxion ark?
THE DOCTOR: Sure. That's where we're not from.
JEN: You flew a ship into the preserve from outside the ark? That completely implausible. That's not the sort of thing we'd miss. There are a gazillion sensors between the coast and here and . . .
KAYLEE: [stopping so abruptly that Clara runs into her from behind] Why's there a blue box in my forest?
JEN: [Whispering to Clara] She's a bit of a mother hen sometimes
[Kayee pulls Jen to the side so she can see what she's looking at, which happens to be the TARDIS]
JEN: No way!
GRIFF: [Moving his fingers as if he was moving around invisible objects] That's real. . . didn't show up on scans between 1:17:22 and 1:17:25 . . . is weirdly massive . . . wait, no, that's not right. What is this thing?
THE DOCTOR: That's the TARDIS, I was just telling you about her.
CLARA: I'm pretty sure they were a bit past that, Doctor.
THE DOCTOR: Oh! I'm so rude! Would you all like to come inside?
JEN: [Skeptically] Inside your little box with you?
CLARA: It's bigger on the inside.
JEN: [laughing] That doesn't even make sense!
THE DOCTOR: Oh! But it is!
GRIFF: Well, I'm all for having a look inside that thing. . . if only to make sense of these readings. This is seriously weird. [He reaches out and smushes the invisible objects together]
KAYLEE: Well, at least one thing makes more sense now.
THE DOCTOR: Ooh! Good, and what would that be?
KAYLEE: I'm on a bit of a vacation, and I could've sworn I had unchecked all the 'spontaneous games' and the rest from my profile. I had figured this was some sort of game for Jen and Griff and I was the one who was glitched. Now I know it's not me, it's you!
CLARA: I'm not glitched! Well, sort of. It's complicated.
JEN: Can we go check out the box?
GRIFF: Not just CAN, we've been asked to. I bet you've got instructions already, this is your arena, Jen.
JEN: [Closing one eye again] Oh! I do. . wow. Umm, lots of messages. We've got autonomy here, so let's go.
THE DOCTOR: Who wants to join me in my wondrous box? [Opens door to TARDIS]
[The three Earthlings huddle and do an unusually complicated rock-paper-scissors thing]
CLARA: [whispering to the Doctor] That actually came across as slightly creepy.
KAYLEE: Spock wins! I'm first! [unhesitatingly walks into TARDIS]
[the group hears an excited, girly scream]
KAYLEE: [Popping back out] Wiz! [Excitedly circles the TARDIS, then hops back in, vanishes for a few seconds, then runs back out] This is . . . real??? How?
THE DOCTOR: See? I told you the truth and you didn't believe me. Sometimes I wonder why I talk at all. No, no, I don't. Never mind.
[JEN and GRIFF follow suit, stepping in the TARDIS briefly and exploring around it, they occasionally point in other directions and GRIFF sets up a few tripods from the Science Package around the TARDIS and places a couple inside as well]
KAYLEE: This is. . . wow, what do we do?
JEN: I just got an update from a couple of the science teams, once we're done with some measurements it's up to us. . . oh, wait. [she closes one eye again and seems to be listening to something] . . . they want one more thing.
[she has her bears line up single file holding hands and they walk in a line into the TARDIS until only they all disappear inside, then a few seconds later, they re-emerge and circle the TARDIS, still holding hands. JEN finds a two meter long branch on the ground and sticks it in the TARDIS so it's obvious that there's something improbable going on]
JEN: Heh, yeah, we've blown a whole bunch of minds. This is kind of fun, the MC Hawking team is having a field day. They want to know if they can borrow it for a while. They've got some great ideas for lyrics, and they want to test a whole bunch of things. They're kind of having a happygasm over there.
CLARA: Borrow the TARDIS?
THE DOCTOR: Nope, sorry. She's mine, and I'm hers. We're kind of a team, you know.
JEN: [after a pause] They're a little sad and envious. You're invited to visit!
THE DOCTOR: Well, I just might! Tell them thanks!
GRIFF: Heh, I just got a call from the Feynman-Leary Cooperative. They want to know if you'd like them to send a trip guide.
CLARA: How could they send a trip guide if they don't know where we're going?
GRIFF: Not THAT sort of trip guide. Altered States people, mind hackers, that sort of thing. They're good at altering themselves to think around weird issues and have pretty much mastered guiding people through crazy situations. They're a bit crazy, but brilliant and fun.
THE DOCTOR: Let them all know I'm petty sure I will be or am going to have been returning, and we'll doing a tour here next time! That'll be delightful! Or will be going to have been? [Notices CLARA staring at him, defensively] What? You try getting all those rules right with a new mouth!
KAYLEE: [Looking at the TARDIS] So… now what. What does it do?
THE DOCTOR: As you already said, she travels through time! Would you like to go for a trip?
JEN: [Grinning widely] This is made of weird. I'm in!
GRIFF: I really resent you guys for making me the one who says this, but shouldn't we do some more analysis before committing to anything?
THE DOCTOR: How about a tour? A little one?
GRIFF: A little one?
THE DOCTOR: We'll stick within a five minute walk of the exit.
GRIFF: [Looking briefly skyward] Of course. Let's go.
[The group enters the TARDIS]
[Inside the TARDIS]
THE DOCTOR: Welcome to the TARDIS!
JEN: I have a question.
THE DOCTOR: I like questions! Could I have yours?
JEN: [Smiling] How about we share?
THE DOCTOR: Done!
JEN: Okay. So far you guys have said some pretty implausible things and they've turned out to be true.
THE DOCTOR: Yes! Yes they have!
JEN: And . . . time travel?
THE DOCTOR: Also true, yes.
GRIFF: But that's not possible!
KAYLEE: To be fair, neither are teleporting blue boxes that are bigger on the inside than the outside.
JEN: And here we are. [To The Doctor] So how does it work?
THE DOCTOR: How does it work? Well, I'm not entirely sure, actually. It's complicated, timey-wimey things . . . that's a strange thing to say. I'm sorry, I just regenerated, things are a bit dodgy for a bit sometimes.
[Jen, Kaylee, and Griff all look at Clara]
CLARA: What? He's not kidding, and honestly I'm not sure that he knows or can explain how it actually happens. The TARDIS does all the work. She's sentient.
JEN: Like an AI?
THE DOCTOR: AI? No! Not an AI! She's alive, maybe not quite in the same way you lot are, but she's just as alive. More so if anything.
KAYLEE: And she can take you anywhere?
THE DOCTOR: And anywhen!
JEN: What happens if you change things?
THE DOCTOR: Well, sometimes we can't. There are some points . . 'fixed points in time', where everything's converging and there's really nothing you can do even if you do try. On the other end of the spectrum there are times where all kinds of things are about to happen and if you change the order everything's different. . . those are dangerous.
JEN: Because you can change everything accidentally butterfly-effect style?
THE DOCTOR: Oh, you're good! [To Clara] You've got competition! [Back to Jen] Exactly. We Time Lords have rules we follow, you see?
GRIFF: Time Lords? You call yourselves Time Lords? Isn't that a little. . .
JEN: . . . lame?
[Clara snorts in amusement and quickly covers her mouth]
THE DOCTOR: Well I didn't name us! And I'm kind of the only one left anyway.
JEN: Yet you're plural?
[Kaylee and Griff join Clara smirkingly]
THE DOCTOR: [To Clara] Help?
CLARA: I'm actually quite enjoying myself and would hate to ruin things.
THE DOCTOR: [Sighing visibly] ANYWAY. We have rules we follow. . that I follow. .
CLARA: . . Usually.
THE DOCTOR: That I usually follow to keep from mucking things up. [To Jen] And I can be plural if I want to be. So there!
GRIFF: So . . . what DOES happen? Does time actually change? Do we split into parallel timelines? How do you know the difference?
THE DOCTOR: [pausing] You can't really, can you?
JEN: So you can go back in time and change things to make them better . . . but you don't?
THE DOCTOR: Sometimes you can make things much worse.
JEN: That's nonsense. You just said you don't know, and you can go back in time and prevent awful things and you've got a rule that paralyzes you into inaction because . . .
CLARA: Well, when you start thinking about multiple realities and all that it does get kind of complicated.
JEN: That doesn't matter. If you can help people and make things better you make things better. Period.
THE DOCTOR: [To Griff and Kaylee] Is she always like this?
GRIFF: We've learned not to get into logic battles with Jen when she gets going.
KAYLEE: What about the early 21st?
THE DOCTOR: 21st century Earth? That's turbulent. Once you hit the teens then we're in very risky territory.
KAYLEE: We lost entire ecosystems when the climate changed, and almost a third of humanity. You're saying you could have stopped it?
THE DOCTOR: Absolutely . . . or I could make things worse. And even if I stopped it maybe you guys wouldn't exist. Maybe there'd never be people like you.
JEN: I still think it's a stupid rule. You should always try to help, even if you're scared of what might happen. If everybody did that way back then we wouldn't have had so much suffering. Each one of them is just as much of a person as any of us and . . .
[various TARDIS noises, which have been slowly ramping up in the background, start to increase in volume and a familiar cacophony begins]
[The Doctor looks at Clara]
CLARA: It wasn't me!
THE DOCTOR: Well it sure wasn't me! I was busy getting lectured!
GRIFF: What's going on?
THE DOCTOR: She's activating! Hold on to something!
[The TARDIS activates and various visual effects happen]
CLARA: Well, that wasn't so bad now, was it?
[. . . and smoke begins filling the room]
CLARA: [To TARDIS] That wasn't fair!
JEN: [Shouting] Smoke! Everybody out!
THE DOCTOR: [Struggling with the console and beginning to cough] Yes. . . out would be good!
[The group quickly exits the TARDIS, and crashes to the ground in a suburban neighborhood, with the TARDIS hovering several feet above]
CLARA: Where's Jen?
[A figure can be vaguely seen in the smoke billowing out of the TARDIS]
JEN: [from the figure] Clara! Doctor! How do I fix this thing?
CLARA: Jen! Get out of there!
GRIFF: She's fine. Gas can't get her, she knows when to jump.
THE DOCTOR: Well now, isn't that something?
[The vaguely humanoid shape is revealed to be what is presumably a suit made of Jen's Teddy Bears]
CLARA: Yes. That would be something all right. Definitely that.
JEN: Guys! A little help? [Pausing] Also, Where are we?
GRIFF: [Working with invisible objects again] I . . . no idea, I. . . what's going on?
JEN: No mesh. No sensors. I can't get a ping from any support drones and the ones I was pulling in cut off the moment the door closed. I only have until positive pressure gives out. . . two minutes.
[The Doctor begins yelling instructions to Jen]
CLARA: What's she mean?
GRIFF: The bots always carry various compressed gas canisters. . . even the oldest ones started with compressed air so they wouldn't accidentally suffocate anybody when they activated. They can also use that to keep gas away . . .basically. She doesn't want to risk having something toxic on her and with only those bots she has to wait for them to run their tests, which can take way more than two minutes.
KAYLEE: Also, I think it's 2014. . . or its supposed to look that way.
[Clara and Griff look over at Kaylee]
KAYLEE: The stars. I like looking at them and happened to have a starmap blob loaded.
CLARA: [Looking slightly horrified] Blob??
KAYLEE: Yeah. [noticing her expression] Oh! A blob is a binary file. . . not a . . . how did you think I loaded the other blob?
CLARA: [Adorably indignantly] I have no idea what you're talking about.
[Suddenly the Teddy-Bear-Suited Jen lands next to them, they quickly disassemble and she steps out. The herd begins fluffing their fur and by all appearances grooming each other]
GRIFF [To Kaylee] is it just me or has our shy little Jen developed a flair for the dramatic.
KAYLEE: [Melodramatically] They grow up so fast, why I remember back when she was. .
JEN: [Interrupting with a raspberry] You're a butt. Also, we need to get to this address [a tattoo of a map appears imprinted on her left arm]
CLARA: Why that one?
JEN: Some Owens guy and kid. TARDIS said they'd 'be perfect'. You guys know them?
THE DOCTOR: Owens. . . Craig Owens! Delightfully perplexed man. He had the most spectacular baby and frequently absent wife!
JEN: That is exactly how I'd never describe somebody.
THE DOCTOR: By the way . . . why do you know where the Owens' live?
JEN: I don't . . . the TARDIS told me.
KAYLEE: You . . talked?
JEN: More like negotiated. She didn't want me to ruin things, and as it happens I agree with what she's doing.
GRIFF: It could be argued she kidnapped us and took us to. . . is it really 2014?
JEN: Yes, that's become the most useful interpretation of events.
THE DOCTOR: [Picking up a pebble and licking it] Oh yes. It's most definitely 2014. October I think. . . still getting a feel for these taste buds.
JEN: She left me with a message, too.
CLARA: A messsage?
JEN: For both of you. She says she's not coming back until you break the right rule.
THE DOCTOR: The right rule?
JEN: That's what she said. And that you had to do it spectacularly or she'd never see.
THE DOCTOR: She did not!
JEN: I'm pretty sure she did.
CLARA: What does she mean?
THE DOCTOR: I think we're in a lot of trouble.