Back in September I got a job as a chef in a contemporary art gallery. At the time, pretty much all of the staff were nutbags. The guy who got me the job just doesn't give a shit what people think of him. He would sometimes spend the entire shift talking like a baby (even to the customers) or like a mentally handicapped person. He humped every object in sight and would just randomly toss glasses over his shoulder. Once he even managed to cross the entire patio balancing a tray of glasses on his head. The glasses eventually fell off and his reaction was pretty much, "oh well".

One really quiet night the staff got bored and held a fashion show with creations they concocted out of trash bags, plastic wrap, scotch tape, bin lids, etc. When our boss heard about it the next day, instead of getting mad that they weren't cleaning or something, she asked if they had taken photos to put on the café's facebook.

So these are the kind of people I was working with at the time. My boss is a bit of a nutter herself. One day, someone brought rollerblades to work. As I was leaving after the lunch shift, the boss was rollerskating around the café. That inspired the drunken rollerblading incident. I decided that that looked really fun and decided I wanted to do the same after the dinner shift. There was just one technical problem with this plan. During the shift I had probably had a couple of beers and then made the mistake of having a vodka coke. If it had been a normal vodka coke, I probably would have been fine. But the colleague who made it for me has a very heavy hand when it comes to dosing mixed drinks.

This was the fatal error.

It all went very well at first. I hadn't skated in years but I managed to zip around the café with no problem, so then I got creative. In retrospect, creativity in this particular context was maybe not the best idea. I started doing things like take the elevator and clear tables. It was fun until I went to put some glasses on the bar and the next thing I know, I feel my head bouncing off the floor. I missed the bar and landed smack on my face. My colleagues were in a panic. There was blood coming out of my mouth and nose and my nose instantly began to swell.


They gave me 2 choices: take a taxi to the ER or they were calling the fire department. I opted for the taxi. It turns out my nose was not broken, but I did have a nice shiner for about a week. Needless to say, I have not rollerbladed or consumed a vodka coke since.