In honor of Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Alcohol. Yes, it will turn
you into an asshole at times and make some of your mornings suck. But,
it generally tastes good and allows you to communicate with the shitheap
that is most of humanity without crying.
Pot. Like being
paranoid and hungry? Love cartoons? Have a job/spouse that doesn't care
if you are super lazy, then this harmless drug is the one to go to.
Shrooms.
Four hours of seeing the world from a different perspective. Colors!
Sounds! Downside is that Phish and Prog Rock will suddenly make sense
and do you really want to be that person?
LSD. Shrooms with lots
of shitty chemicals and it lasts far longer than shrooms and you'll
really wish it was done before it is done.
Cocaine. Will make you
feel like a god and will get you laid - but not with anyone you'd ever
really want to get laid with. If you are a girl get ready to be sucking
the dick of some sketchball you may call a "boyfriend" simply because he
has access to coke. If you are a dude get ready to go broke. Will
certainly eventually turn you into a complete asshole either way.
Heroin.
Make sure your grandma has a nice television and you know where the
local pawnshop is before you try it. Also, buy burglars tools in
advance.
Meth. No teeth, psychotic rage, live in squalor. Male or
female you'll find yourself sucking dick for it (which is easier once
your teeth fall out.)
Ecstasy. God, do you really,
really want to like techno? And to need to walk around with a pacifier
in your mouth so you don't grind your teeth? Plus, smart drug dealers
mix heroin into it now to get you hooked on a brand new drug!
