In fact, pretty much everyone is masturbating during the furlough with porn viewing up 900 percent. (Link NSFW but I have work safe quotes from it below.)

"there is a 900% increase in porn surfer traffic coming in from Northern Virginia, Maryland, Washington D.C. and pretty much everywhere that there is a large population of “non-essential government employees” that are now sitting around at home looking for some entertainment. The last time anyone counted, about 41% of all federal employees are women. And one can only assume that a much larger percentage of them work in “non-essential” administrative and support positions (i.e. not riding around in tanks blowing things up). Let’s, just for fun, set a hypothetical number of, say, 65% of the 820,000 folks sitting around the house are women (yes, that is probably WILDY inaccurate, but as only 15% of the “essential armed forces” jobs are women, it’s not a bad guess). That would give us 533,000 pissed off women with lots of computer skills looking for something to cheer them up a bit. "

"Although this surge in naughty surfing comes as no surprise at all, what is also apparent is rather than just surfing the tubes for free porn, they are buying things. Lots and lots of naughty things! Sex Toys! Lingerie! Porn Movies! Pornsite Memberships, Erotic eBooks. The list goes on and on. Now, we have heard that Congress has not guaranteed retro-active pay after the shutdown is over, but based on similar past icky-old-white-men caused debacles in congress, it’s pretty certain that there will be a nice little lump sum coming in before the October credit card bill arrives. “Hope Springs Eternal” and I hope all of these enthusiastic sex toy and porn shoppers don’t get a bad surprise just before the holiday family buying season."