Including Susan Boyle. Liars!

Plus, oh thank goodness, one of those poor Duck boys. Imagine being born with webbed feet and all covered in an oil that repels water. Such a difficult childhood. "Hey, quackhead! Your mother wears down coats!"…

Elisabeth Hassleback and Bill Hemmer.

I'm staying in, but even in my most masochistic moment (full disclosure: I am not very masochistic), I could not watch that unless it was for a live blog on Gawker.