An occasional series where I give a "Fuck You" to legitimate targets of my Fuck You-edness. It'll be like George Carlin, but with less swearing. Entry 1 is here

Entry 2: Restaurant Wall Menus.

I was at a Church's—a much better version of KFC—the other day, for only the second time, looking at their menu. Which happened to be on the wall. They had pictures of delectable fried chicken but I couldn't make out what styles and flavors they were in, what they came with, and the side orders. For you see, I'm a spectacle wearer, which means I'm basically blind.

Luckily, some of the orders were just big enough to be intelligible. I asked the nice clerk whether they had a paper menu. She said no. But she informed me, they did have a website! Okay, I guess I'll have to look up the eatery while I'm in it. I don't like restaurant wall menus. They're not designed for the seeing-impaired. And they're tacky.

They're not just at fast food places. More casual restaurants that I've been to now have two menus: the paper menu and the wall menu. I guess the latter for when people don't want to sit down and are ordering take out. Okay, that's fine, but at least have the option of a paper menu you can take home and peruse at your leisure. It's good advertising. I can look at the menu and crave something and wonder how it would taste. That would make me want to go to the restaurant more.

Why don't fast food places have paper menus? Did they think about all that I described and reject it, because people don't like them, or it hurts their bottom line (millions and millions of annual dollars) to constantly use paper? I hope there's a good reason why they don't have them. Because the paper menu would be so much better, for the customer, and aesthetically for the restaurant. Getting rid of a wall menu means bumping up your restaurant's reputation and seriousness of purpose.


And if you're wondering why a person who wears glasses would go into a fast food restaurant, you've made the common error of conflating eye wear with intelligence.

So a Fuck You to restaurant wall menus.