Hey Republicans. I hear you're trying to target something other than old white people. I am told that you want to get hipsters and minorities to vote for you. Not to worry, Grandad Freeman is here to help you with that...for free!

First thing's first, you have all of the minority vote you will ever get. You could get a couple hundred more votes from the minority hipsters (more on that later) but as of right now, you've tapped that oil well. There is only some many times you can call a black person "urban" or tell some random Mexican person that they need to go back where they came from.

Now, on to the hipsters. Here's a couple tips that could get you to snag the hipster vote.

1) Speak their language

This one is important. You need to know what the language of the hipster is like. One thing you should do is shorten everything, that's the hipster way. Saying things in length is booooring. You're already doing it with G-O-P. Take is one step further though. Make it an actual word. Instead of saying each letter individually, say "Gop". Call your new target, Gop Hipsters. Or better yet, "Gopsters". Another thing, say "whatever" to all questions and statements. Example: A reporter asks a question about your recent scandal. You look at the camera with a blank stare and say "whatever". Bonus if you work in some weird sound effect before saying "whatever"


2) Hate everything

This is the more important of the two. The one thing a hipster hates is everything most people like. This is perfect for you. Never will there be a great opportunity for you to tell them about the popular things you hate, like women's rights and black people. Just walk up to your target and say, "Don't you hate how everyone thinks gay people should get married? I do too. You should vote for me and mot these mainstream politicians who love that stuff." Mention to them the recently popular Big Bang theory. Then, just casually say, "Science isn't even real".


There you have it my Republican friends. I will be handing out fliers with these tips at the next RNC. Good luck in 2014. You're going to need it.