For months the National Republican Congressional Committee have been informing me through their emails about the despicable acts perpetrated by the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Barry Obama. But I haven't heard a single thing from my good friends at the NRCC since shortly before the government shut down.

My other good friends at Canadian pharmacies, online universities, reverse mortgage companies...even a new friend offering me a paid internship at Tom's Shoe Corporation...all keep in touch. But my NRCC buddies have just vanished. If I don't hear from them soon I'm going to start phoning the authorities.