I’m in the hotel across from the hospital. Tomorrow I wake up at 3:45, shower again with their crazy drying antibacterial soap (this time it’s made by Clorox, no lie), and check in at the hospital at 5 am.
Two nights ago I started freaking the fuck out. I used to have panic attacks in college, a form of agoraphobia. This isn’t full fledged panic attacks but an unceasing racing pulse and a compulsive need to get everything done before surgery. This included the desire to reorganize my drawers and sort through all of the stacks of papers on my shelves.
I had my doctor call in a prescription for klonopin but while waiting for it to kick in I just laid and wept about how unprepared I was (I’ve been preparing for 2 months now).
Today has been much better. I took my klonopin as soon as I woke up and things are cool. I let go of having to pack exactly the right items for the hospital. I have 2 parents and a husband with me. They can go buy me lotion if I forget it (I didn’t forget it).
So, I’m cool, I’m ready and am good to go.
I won’t be able to see any responses to this for a while so it would be a waste. This is one of my last stops online before bed and I doubt I will get internet time in ICU. Next time you see me, I will have hopefully been exposed to whatever it is that finally gives me my super powers.