Hello, gentle readers.

Just a little info here to share on this whimsical sort of a Monday morning. If I ask you to repeat something on the phone, do not automatically assume I want you to say it louder. Sometimes you were too loud in the first place and I had to hold the phone away from my ear. Sometimes - oftentimes - your phone is crap or you are under the ocean or some shit and there's static that I can't hear you through, and being louder only makes you more ear-scrapingly annoying.

Sometimes you are mumbling, but when you speak more loudly you ARE STILL MUMBLING. What the fuck is that anyway?

If someone on the other end of the phone asks you to repeat something, they want to hear it more clearly. That means not out in the wind on a cell phone, not mumbling, not holding the phone halfway between yourself and your 1) other three conversations; 2) crying child/yapping dog; or 3) cranked up television. It means not while you are eating goddammit. And most certainly not yelling, because I have no time for your loud yet incomprehensible ass. Please speak clearly, into the phone, away from other sources of noise or interference.

In summation, just because you can take your phone everywhere now doesn't mean you should use it everywhere. Thank you, and please accept my heartfelt support in your endeavor to stop being such unbelievably self-involved jackasses.

My condolences to your role models (who have utterly failed you),