Written in Ink
Written in Ink
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Sexiest President Pre-1900

What is the sexiest historical president in your opinion? If it were currently, it'd definitely be Bill Clinton. Now I don't think he's the best looking, that'd be Obama or JFK but in terms of looking like he'd be good in bed. Bill. And then maybe LBJ. He'd probably do some freaky shit.

I'd say mid-century, it'd easily be Harry S Truman. I mean, look at this fucking picture—it just screams SEX.

Illustration for article titled Sexiest President Pre-1900

This is a guy that I'd like to man my fortifications.

Of course if you think about turn of the century, I mean, no one is sexier than Teddy. They even named lingerie after him.


But what about pre-1900?

That's a lot harder. Let's consider a few

Washington— Fake Wooden Teeth (perhaps for the gentlemen a plus) but not for me.


Adams— insecure about not being Washington or Jefferson

Jefferson— Let's be honest, there is nothing about Jefferson that isn't problematic.


Madison- I bet he's selfish in bed.

John Quincy Adams: Father issues

Grant— too much booze bloat

Johnson— He did not have his shit together

Lincoln— Gloomy. Small penis.

Buchanan—Possibly a house plant

Hayes— Beard-o-matic.

Arthur— Doesn't last long

Tyler and Taylor: WHIGS; interchangeable

Garfield—A cat

Cleveland—Too many non-consecutive orgasms

And so on and so forth. If I thought about the most fuckable pre-1900 president, it'd have to be Franklin Pierce.

Illustration for article titled Sexiest President Pre-1900

First of all, look at this motherfucker. Those bedroom eyes. That stiff gate. That slightly worried look. I bet he'd be a pleaser.


Yes, Ma'am, after anal, I will clean out your rain ducts. No ma'am, that's not a double entendre.

Second, he has lots of time on his hands. I mean, the guy kind of fucked around before the civil war, pleasing no one and doing nothing. He was all over the place. No time for presidenting? Lots of time for sexifying.


Finally, his name is Franklin. That's enough

Your thoughts, commentariat?

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