Weekend before last, I asked the CT Hivemind for advice on keeping calm in a meeting in which I was going to be asked my opinion about something that was going to happen no matter what. You folks gave great advice, I did some breathing exercises. Because I got there next to last, I wasn't seated where I could easily go to the bathroom, so I couldn't take a break. Also, I did not masturbate before the meeting and forgot my crocheting. Nonetheless I remained outwardly calm, while inside I was like this:

I said my piece and it turns out that two of the more powerful folks in the room agreed with me, even though they clearly didn't want to get into a pissing match with the group determined to make it happen. Whatev, I'm going to get through this!

But at one point someone in the room said something pretty racist, referencing someone in the org who was not in the meeting (For the record to any non-POC's reading this: when someone says racist shit when POC are in the room, all we do is wonder what kind of shit gets said when we are not in the room.) Several people (including my Boss), looked at me, but I didn't say anything because why should the victims be the ones to fix your racist shit.


The meeting ran long, so I had to dash out for an appointment. That night I got an email for my Boss asking if I wanted to take a meeting for him the next night. Woohoo, it was out of town, low stress and in a lovely hotel. So I totally chilled for a day and had some great food then only had to go in late to clean up some things before taking a couple of days off to help my parents with some stuff back in the town where they grew up. Like an idiot, I thought this meant that someone was dealing with the microaggression issue while I was out of the office. NOPE. I went in yesterday, was madly catching up on work, but one person I asked said nothing had been said/done. So now I have to go to a higher up and demand that this get dealt with and then hear how "X didn't mean it like that." And tell my Boss I'm doing it so he can look sad and incompetent in my face (ordinarily we get along like gangbusters, but the human dimension of things escape him). Arrgh. Why can't I just do my job you dumb fucks!!!!

In other news, while I was driving my parents around I got my first speeding ticket EVER in 30+ years of driving. I have a court date in a different state. WTF.


ETA: So I had the talk with my direct Boss. He said that he was talking to his Boss about bringing the group together to talk this out after the holidays with someone from another unit who is respected on these issues. I said, I would wait for said meeting, but that they have to figure out some of this shit on their own; that I would be documenting everything from now on; and that rather than coming to him each time, I'm going to turn the documentation over to HR or to a lawyer for advice. I'd rather crochet during the meetings, but if I have to take detailed notes each time, so be it.

We don't have the kind of HR department trained in this stuff. They usually just handle financial and other matters. A few years ago that group was reworked so that this was supposed to be in their purview, but it is clear that they are powerless.