So I'm walking my dog Roscoe yesterday and I notice a bear hanging in a tree in front of us. Roscoe doesn't even see it, it's so high. The bear and I lock eyes. I back away slowly with Roscoe still clueless and return home. And yay. Because today I see this report of a woman mauled by a bear while walking her dog a week ago. That woman lives in my neighborhood.

Roscoe and I escaped a killer bear attack.

Only he didn't look like a killer. He looked like a sad black bear who wanted his forest habitat back and felt undignified and uncomfortable stuck in the crook of a tree, his big arms hanging like a stuffed bunny.

Is it bad that I don't want them to catch him? Flee, Gentle Ben! Get out of suburbia!