Stoya and a bunch of adult performers apparently sat down recently to talk about issues in the porn industry. They ended up talking about a whole lot more and realized that inside or outside or porn one of the most important problems is understanding boundaries and issues of consent.

One of the interesting things she notes are how we seem to grow up unlearning what we naturally know about boundaries and consent:

"Before you assume that inability to express limits is a porno problem, think about how many times you've heard a friend talk about not knowing how to say they're uncomfortable with something at work or during sex. Toddlers are generally fantastic at saying No. How do so many people lose their ability to say No to things between the terrible twos and adulthood?", she writes.

And she points out that outside of sites like Jezebel or similar sites there isn't a lot of discussion about the idea of boundaries and consent when it's obvious that a person is of an age to be dealing with these very issues.

"A person's first condom, strap-on, or lacy thong doesn't come with a pamphlet explaining active consent. Tampon companies don't print statements on the back of their boxes encouraging teenagers to express their desires and ask for the desires of their sexual partners. Someone should do something about this."

She then comes up with some really healthy advice/ground rules about consent and boundaries. Here's some of the more interesting ones.

"Ask the people you will be having sex with what their preferences and limits are. This fosters active consent and encourages communication."


"In order for a sexual partner to be able to give you what you want, you have to tell them what your desires are. A sexual partner can't respect your limits if you don't express them."

"If your partner(s) are drunk or high, their ability to consent is questionable. If they've previously expressed distaste for anal sex and are slurring "Fuck my asshole" you should politely decline and bring the subject up later when they're sober."

"If one of your sexual partners steps on to the jerk-to-full-on rapist scale, call them out on it. You have the right to end the sexual activity you are engaged in and to decline sexual activity with them in the future."