Hello, gentle readers.
Dear People Standing At The Side Of My Desk While I Am Trying To Get Things Done For Fuck's Sake:
When you see someone once, maybe twice a month and you ask them if they have lost weight, do NOT use the modifier "a whole lot" anywhere in that question. Even if it's true, it doesn't say much about your projected image of that person.
A Message To Bicycle Commuters Who Insist On Riding Into Oncoming Traffic Smack In The Middle of The Lane:
Dear Esteemed Co-Inhabitant of The Planet Earth:
What's that you say? Is bossly #4 definitely going to get the message I just went through the trouble of sifting out from your vocal perambulations so that it would fit on this three line message pad? Can I promise you that she will get the message? Why, no, actually. I am sorry but you really should know that no one…
Attention People Who Live Anywhere Near the Walls Of Other People:
Dear city bus drivers, delivery persons in big boxy trucks, and other assorted service people with thankless jobs who may lapse in traffic courtesy from time to time (and also folks with unnecessarily large pickup trucks even though you are not in construction or hauling furniture on a regular basis):
When you call a business office with any significant number of people above two working in it and tell the person who answers the phone, "Someone called me from here - no I didn't check to see if they left a message", that person is: one, wondering if cell phones make your brain leak out of your ears like they used to…