The League of Shadows wants you!
“Have you had it up to here with your fellow New Yorkers? Have you seen enough of humanity's dark side in this bustling cesspool of a metropolis? Are you convinced that the last vestiges of common decency and compassion have fled across the Verrazano?”
So starts a Craigslist ad looking for acolytes to join the League of Shadows, which according to the ad is responsible for the downfall of cities like Sodom & Gomorrah and Detroit. Though I will have you know, Detroit has some lovely artists colonies these days and one or two good restaurants still holding on.
Your duties as said acolyte will be to dress up in funny outfits and both assure friends of their safety while simultaneously creating chaos. I have misplaced files before, and make a total mess when baking cookies, but something tells me this does not meet their stringent guidelines for “chaos”. Though when it comes to funny outfits, I did once dress up as a female version of Beetlejuice by accident, so there is that. It seemed like a good idea at 7am. Don’t look at me like that.
In addition to leaping tall buildings, candidates are required to type 50+ WPM, so they probably file a lot of extensive paperwork after their masked crusades. Possibly for insurance purposes.
Candidates are asked to submit their qualifications via Twitter or email.
No mention of pay, but let’s assume it is commiserate with your ability to climb a glass covered skyscraper at 3am.
Photo via Wiki
Edit: The Craigslist ad has been taken down, below is the text as it appeared:
Have you had it up to here with your fellow New Yorkers? Have you seen enough of humanity's dark side in this bustling cesspool of a metropolis? Are you convinced that the last vestiges of common decency and compassion have fled across the Verrazano? Tired of staring at lofty condos peeping through the clouds down at the hovel you can barely afford working for a non-profit? Remember eye contact and people who hold the doors with nostalgia? If so, read on and you could find the only entry level job in the city that won't suck your soul right out of your mouth in exchange for promised riches.
We are the League of Shadows. We have existed underground for millennia. We are the unseen presence in every city fallen from grace; notable successes include Sodom & Gomorrah, Troy, Rome, Constantinople, Tenochtitlan, Detroit. The time for dramatic entrances has ended thanks to the Internet's convenience.
If you've always wanted to make a difference, see how a city works, and really make a change, but never had the hazardous materials or discretion you needed to do your best work, the League of Shadows may be for you.
Generous benefits package (!!!!) includes complete health care coverage in our proprietary laboratory, 401(k), the satisfaction of a job well done, and a real resume-booster.
As a LoS acolyte, you will be:
— Wearing a variety of disguises (construction worker, police officer, homeless vagabond)
— Promoting chaos
— Blocking off escape routes
— Acquiring working knowledge of NYC's rooftops and subways
— Assuring friends, colleagues, and strangers of their total safety
No college degree required. 50+ WPM typing. People skills a plus, but by no means necessary. Must have current driver's license and own car. Will check references. Vegetarians looked down upon.
You are encouraged to apply if you have experience in the following areas:
— Graphic Design
— Social Media (Twitter, Instagram, etc.)
— Microsoft Office (Excel, Powerpoint, etc.)
— Custodial Work
— Serving (especially 2+ years in NYC restaurants. Make sure you're not already a member.)
— Grapnel repair
— Temp work
— Artists of all kind
— Scarred, spoiled children of murdered billionaires
— Starbucks, Walmart and other mega corporations
— Interning for "that guy"
— Fundraising for NPOs
— Government officials welcome.
There has never been a better time to provoke a city's implosion! Scatter the spoils of greed and theft to the winds! Replace decadence with incandescence! Responses acceptable by email or the Tweet.
League of Shadows: Bringing the Truest Light